Friday, 9 July 2010

letter of note

Wow. A very good basketballer called LeBron James became a free agent this summer and, perfectly legally, left Cleveland for Miami. From what I can tell, his protracted decision-making was fabulously annoying and narcissistic.* This is what the Cleveland Cavalier's majority owner wrote last night when the news broke (LeBron announced where he was going on an ESPN TV special called 'The Decision'):
Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight; As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment. Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal. You have given so much and deserve so much more. In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE"

You can take it to the bank. If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels. Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there. Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become. But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland. Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only: DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers
Some of these are quite big promises. I think Dan Gilbert is sweet.

*Like Brett Favre, you are thinking, whose annual NFL 'retirement' dominates headlines all summer every year. Not quite, I think. I'll explain another time. The Favre story is tedious, but I think it is less his fault.

3 comments:

Jennifer said...

Sweet? The only thing sweet about Dan Gilbert is he wrote that letter using Comic Sans.

Claire said...

It's dramatic,it's a stand off,it's live here on Sky News

Robert Hudson said...

Yes, I should have caveated that I know NOTHING about Desperate Dan. He could be a terrible arse. I find this letter sweet, though. And Comic Sans, yes. A triumphant choice.