Men Wearing Dirty Underwear Never Deserve Women's Attention

Yes, it's in-depth Pravda-time at the old corral. Before we start: I am wearing clean underwear. I put it on last night after my shower, and I will be wearing it until I go for a run this afternoon. Yesterday I took up lacrosse in Stockport. It rained.

This is a piece about being Russian. It's like going on a cultural exchange.

They say in Russia that every man must do three things in his life: plant a tree, build a house and raise a son.

If I were in Russia, I would be behind the curve.

Needless to say that doing these three things is not enough at all, especially for a modern man living in the modern world – many women would agree.

Needless to say. But still, he must do those three things. Especially build a house, and especially plant a tree. Almost all Russian men do these things.

So, a man must be able to do the following things in his life: Clean his home.

What! As well as build it! I call that a swizz. What do Russian women have to do? Anyway, how do you do that?

He will need: a vacuum-cleaner, a broom, a duster, a bucket of water and patience.

Ok, I've just been and checked. I've got most of these things. How do I use them? 


Create romantic atmosphere,

What? Isn't this a change of tack? I thought this was cleaning my house?

especially when expecting a woman as a guest.

Oh, I get it. This is not about cleaning your house as a thing you should do in general, just when you want to bring home a Russian woman. We will progress with this in mind.

Pick up cigarette butts and empty beer cans

What! How picky is this woman? Shouldn't I just choose someone less obviously high maintenance?

clean up the dust, light some candles and put lounge music on.

Smooth.

Undo her bra. One should at first find out how to remove it for modern bras can be undone on both the front and the back.

Both? Really? I might just rip it off to be on the safe side.

Make a tie knot. Every man must know how to make a tie knot, how to wear a suit and a tie. If a man does not have a decent suit in his wardrobe – he is not a man. He is a looser.

I am a looser.

Clean his clothes. Dirty men’s underwear makes women vomit.

I know that feeling.

Dirty men’s socks make women vomit.

We've all been there.

A man wearing dirty clothes makes everyone develop similar feelings.

Makes everyone vomit, you mean.

A real man must have a fine bar at his home. Get a selection of fine strong and soft alcohol drinks that would be good for all occasions.

This is a funny line, but I can't think how to make a funny comment about it.

Give flowers to woman. A man must know how to choose flowers for his girlfriend. It is wrong to think that red roses are good for every woman. Try to find out which flowers a girl likes before giving her a bouquet.

If you are incredibly henpecked.

A man must surprise his woman with breakfast in bed – at least once in a lifetime.

And at most. Especially if I have ALREADY done the thing with the beer cans. Who is this woman? The Queen of Sheba?

Eggs, some bread and a glass of juice – she will never forget that.

She'd better not, since I am only going to do it once.

Finally, every man must always be a gentleman. It is easier than many men may think.

I wonder if it is not as easy as you think.